The Zen of Hooping
- Bob Hirshon
- May 1
- 4 min read
Updated: May 5
The first rule of hula hooping, or just “hooping” for those worried about Wham-O Corp. copyright infringement, is “don’t panic.”
Really, that’s the first rule of every new activity, but it was especially relevant for my first hooping experience because, as is well-known to everyone on Earth, I have no butt. This, apparently, is a fact universally acknowledged because I receive ads for “butt-enhancing trousers” regularly on all social media platforms. How could they possibly know this?
Is there any hooping hope for the "gluteus minumus" folks among us?
In any case, when a hula hoop, despite your frenetic and comical attempts to wiggle it back up, begins descending due to the inexorable force of gravity, those who are blessed with discernible hips can give the thing a little bump, sending it twirling back up to their armpits.
But what of the gluteus minimus among us? Well, under the patient tutelage of my wife’s close friend and expert hooper Debbie, I found that even if you are shaped like a very narrow V pointing directly at the earth’s gravitational center, you have just enough pelvic bone that if you don’t panic and time things perfectly, you, too, can give that hoop a ride back up to your middle.
The heavy hula hoop, in the technical jargon of physics, “really wants to keep going” while the light, flimsy hula hoop, as Isaac Newton once observed “just doesn’t care.”
And here’s a tip that makes it much easier: get a heavy hoop. Because while you might imagine that keeping a light hoop up would be easier than keeping a beefy hoop up, you should stop imagining and just think back to that physics course in high school that you didn’t take. Because if you had taken it, the teacher would have patiently explained to you everything about mass and inertia and conservation of momentum, and then you would have promptly forgotten what little about it you actually understood.
Luckily, despite being lazy in high school, you now you have a real-world experience that answers the age-old question “when am I ever going to use this in real life?” Because that heavy hula hoop, in the technical jargon of physics, “really wants to keep going” while the light, flimsy hula hoop, as Isaac Newton once observed “just doesn’t care.”
Yes, you can take it with you!
Here’s the answer to another question that you didn’t ask: “If I start doing this hooping thing, how am I going to take my hoop with me on, say, airplanes or crowded subway cars or into the dressing rooms of exclusive lingerie boutiques?” (Well that took an unexpected turn!) Luckily for you, you kinky screwball, they now have portable hoops that you pull apart into little sections that store in a bag, backpack or, if you really want to show off, in a custom, locking attaché case like the one the President uses for carrying the nuclear football.
You may also wonder if you need tattoos, piercings and a bikini bod to hoop. Yes, but only if you expect people to tip you. Otherwise, you should go out and hoop like no one’s watching, regardless of your age, body type, or even buttlessness. It’s great exercise– kind of like jump roping but side to side– you can get pretty good at it after only a few minutes of practice (don’t forget the heavy hoop!) and you will inspire others with your bold, fun-loving spirit. This is why hooping is mucho dōkō.
Video with Melly Jean, our Hooping Consultant
Hooping Gear
Hoops of all kinds are widely available, both at big box stores like Walmarts and Dicks, and at specialty stores like these, offering a variety of custom hoops.
Spinterz:
This is a small movement company with hoops and other movement, dance and fitness gear.
Hoop Empire
Wow, they have a lot of hoops…
Hoopologie
Another specialty store with custom hoops and other gear.
Hooping Discussions and Articles
Is Hooping on Reddit? Silly question…
https://www.reddit.com/r/Hooping/
Mayo Clinic Article on benefits of Hooping:
Men’s Health Hula Hooping Article (with lots of ads/links for stuff…guess they have to make a living)
https://www.menshealth.com/fitness/a36489237/best-weighted-hula-hoops/
Hoop math, psychology and problem-solving
(An essay on some of the science behind hooping)
https://psyche.co/ideas/hula-hooping-is-not-mindless-it-is-bodily-problem-solving
A Six Week Trial of Hula Hooping: "Weighted hula hooping associated with reduced waist and hip girth:
Hula Hooping and Religion?
Martha Smith Roberts, Jenna Gray-Hildenbrand; Finding Religion, Spirituality, and Flow in Movement: An Ethnography of Value of the Hula Hooping Community. Nova Religio 1 February 2019; 22 (3): 36–59. doi: https://doi.org/10.1525/nr.2019.22.3.36
Hooping Videos
Penn State Men’s Volleyball Team Tries Hooping
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